This week at work I got into an argument with a male co-worker. I had volunteered to make travel arrangements for all employees in the office to go to a regional meeting next week in CT. I had the reservation information for eight of my team members because we all leave from the same station. Since the other team member leaves from a different station I had asked him to get me his train information. When booking train reservations though corporate travel we have to give them all of the details because they normally book only flight, hotel and car rental reservations.
I had asked him several times during the day for the information because I had to make the arrangements by the end of day. Since I didn’t want to run the risk of not getting accommodations for the group I decided to book theirs and books his later when he gave me the information. When he overheard me making the reservations he ran to his office to get me the information needed. He slipped the paper in front of me with every detail but what I asked for; during the mean time I am on the phone with the travel coordinator that I could tell was new to the job which was frustrating to say the least. I put the phone on mute and asked the employee to get the additional information I needed. While walking back to his office I overhead him say “You don’t have to use that tone with me”. I didn’t know what the hell he was talking about and just thought or wanted to believe that he was talking to someone else.
He came back to my office, threw a sticky note at me and said “here’s what you want” and walked off. Now I am saying to myself; this fool has lost his damn mind. As he proceeded down the hall I could hear him talking about me. I asked the travel agent if I could call them right back and asked the employee to return to my office. I then asked him why he threw the paper at me and what his problem was. He picked up the paper, proceeded to tell me that I was rude and that I needed to be a little nicer. He then threw the paper at me again.
At this point I had had it; I told him that I was on the phone with a rep that was clueless and if I was mean to him I apologize but he should have gotten me the information when he was suppose to. Secondly, I was not his child, wife or dog and that he better not throw another piece of paper at me. Thirdly, I told him that I am doing everyone a favor by making their travel arrangements and that it’s not part of my job description. Fourthly, I told him that when I take a look at the totem pole I am up top and he’s on the bottom and if he ever talked to me in that manner again I would report him to his boss. Lastly, I told him to make his on reservations because I refuse to. I picked up the phone and continued making everyone else’s reservations (dismissing him which really pissed him off). When I was done I went to tell him boss anyway and we both were surprised by this individual’s behavior because he had never acted in such a manner before.
When I got home and was telling my husband I asked him the question: Would the employee have acted in the same manner if I was a man? My guess is no! He probably would have shrugged the situation off or if he would have said anything it would have been in a joking manner. I believe that he was under the impression that I was going to be passive and allow him to say what ever he wanted to me. If we look at it from the perspective of our gender and age difference this might be true. He comes from a generation that believes the stereotypes that women are seen and not heard. I have overhead him say to other people in the office how he wears the pants in his house and that he makes all of the decisions. This might fly at home but it is not acceptable in the workplace. During our altercations he was using masculine speech to establish his status and control (page 130) the more I pushed the more he tried to show he had power. Because I was challenging him by using the same speech he perceived me as being arrogant, rude or a bit—(fill in the blank). This double standard comes from how our society defines gender roles.
What I learned from this situation is that culture, gender and out experiences dictates how we communicate with the opposite or same gender. At work we are suppose to live under a different set of rules but because these things make up our foundation it’s hard to check them at the door and conform to treating people right regardless of gender, ethnicity, religion or creed. These are the things that lead to discrimination against woman and minorities in the workplace.
Long Post but I AM VENTING!
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